So tonight I'm sitting here with more than a changed me but I'm someone with a whole new outlook on life and all new perspectives..i've grown from the last time I've wrote and I'm happier than ever, its my time to tell you how my new journey is going i hope your ready so here i go.....
i found myself losing faith in myself and everything around me i was acting out and giving up on everything and everyone. i was scared because i didn't like the me that was coming i cried alot because i felt alone and lost,like i had no one. but in this time of desperation i was calling out for a change something good, but it never came it was as if things just kept getting worse for me...i was becoming a nobody, and not doing anything with my life. it was one thing after another and no change was happening so i was ready to give up everything and end it all. no one had realized the pain and hurt i was going through because i smiled my ways through the day and hid the lost in my eyes it wasn't easy in fact it felt like it just made things worse because i was keeping everything in.
but then a miracle happened and my papa booked a ticket to Hawaii so i was leaving for a month , a getaway somewhere i was hoping i could get my mind off everything and let go and enjoy myself with my big sister Marilyn and my lovely nieces Amaya and Kylee. i got there and tears of joy hit my face she hugged me with such care and love i felt safe and not alone anymore for that split second of her arms around me, i knew this summer was going to become a big impact in my life. it was amazing days went by and i saw beautiful places and did extraordinary things, but besides all the sights and views i also got a chance to gain a family in hilo at new hope church. i began showing more emotions than i have in awhile to others. i wasn't afraid anymore to cry or feel pain i was letting everything out all my anger and sadness and pouring it out into worship into song. i started to grow within myself for the love of christ, and truthfully that scared me i was terrified because i felt like i wasn't ready to open my heart to jesus christ yet i was fighting with everything in me to reject that feeling and urge in my heart . Sunday, June 26, 2016 came along and i sat there waiting for service and worship to begin and i just started getting this funny feeling my stomach and heart and i knew for some reason this sunday was going to be different and a message was coming for me i just didn't know what at the time...worship begun and i stood up and within the first song i was in tears after every song i was filled with emotion every song told me something and hit my heart like a power ball, i was still confused on what message i was expecting to receive, so still being patient i sat down and waited for the service to start. the service was so powerful that i found myself starting to write on a piece of paper that was laid on my lap...i sat there and when i finished writing i was mixed with a million emotions because when i was writing i didnt know i was writing its like someone was sending me a message on paper and i was writing what i was being told in my heart and soul. my message on paper was this ....
"Today I'm praying on paper I've never sat down and prayed or asked for hep from you but being here and coming to church regular I've grown and i think I'm ready to Accept Christ. My sister has opened my eyes and showed me I'm really not alone and lone is all I've ever known so now knowing im not brings a weight off my shoulders I've cried and laughed and showed more emotions than i have in a long time since my return to church and love from my hilo family! i want to keep growing and become a christian of GOD!i think I'm ready to finally ask for help after 20 years of being on my own! so thank you for letting me in! you truly are a Good Good Father! "
A few days later i showed my sister and tears came from her eyes she was proud of me and soon after i messaged my great grandma connie and told her not long after there were more tears of joy, they were proud! i was happy and ever since i opened my heart to christ a whole new me has arose...im interacting more and showing my love for Christ everyday. worship music guides in times of hurt it bring me back to life. i made the biggest and best decision that i ever could for myself and i know now I'm going to be just fine! i have my strength and the Lords strength so together I'm ready to conquer the world and make a change! i want to make a difference and theres this saying that go to me " CHANGED PEOPLE CHANGE PEOPLE" this is a powerful meaning and I'm ready to start this chapter in my life I'm finally happy and I'm proud of myself to smile, everyday and know I'm not alone anymore and i can ask for help if needed. everything is going to be ok i know that now in my heart . so join me in this new adventure and let me share the new me with you I'm excited ! staying me forever and always!
love Yours truly,
your Lupie WARRIOR Stasiia
