December 8th 2011... No one could ever understand the meaning behind this date except me. The day i got diagnosed is the day that will always be remembered...although everyone remembers it different, the day your phone rings and getting a call saying " Stasia is really sick and shes in the hospital" "she has lupus" then thinking to yourself "oh she's going to be ok, this to shall pass" "whats lupus" "how did she get it" all these questions were being brought up and thought of...but can you just imagine what was running through my mind and all the questions i had at 15 years old laying in a hospital bed with doctors and nurses and social workers surrounding me on a day to day basis. I was terrified ! Its crazy to me to know i can recite that day in my head by every second and minute and hour that passed. i remember being home sick for a week because i was having issues, my knees were hurting so bad i couldn't even walk, i started getting some type of rash on my face, and ulcers all in my mouth and on my body, that's when i finally told my mom we need to make a doctors appointment because i knew something wasn't right, i knew i wasn't ok...my mom called one of her friends to come take me and her to the closest walk in doctor around town, when we got to the doctors office i was telling my mom hopefully this goes quick and i can get back to school...well the doctor called me in to get checked out and i told him all my symptoms and what i remember more than anything was the look this doctor gave me...that moment i looked at my mom and my heart starting beating because i knew i was right im not ok...the doctor didnt say a word he grabbed a notepad and started writing and handed it to me saying i need to go to queen of the valley hospital this is a more serious situation than he can handle. so i walked out and we headed to the hospital in silence because i had nothing to say. well i arrived at queen of the valley and because of that stupid little note i got a straight through pass, no waiting for me....i was placed in a room and i was still quiet and so was my mom...we were both scared and worried and just wanted answers...so again i had to wait for another doctor. i had 3 doctors check me out one at a time top to bottom it was so uncomfortable for me i was shaking...the n they left and what felt like forever the clock just kept ticking and i was still laying there in silence....finally a doctor came in and looked at me and asked if he wanted my mom to step out of the room and i said no i want her here by my side...so he checked me top to bottom just like the other 3 and when he was done he looked at me and again i had nothing but fear in my eyes from his...he didn't say anything at first he just kept staring at my mom then to me again and finally said Ms.Gonzalez we think you have lupus or bechets ...i had no idea what he even said because i've never heard of either of those,,then he continued....they are autoimmune diseases , a cancer! i stayed calm but frozen and felt tears falling down my face then telling him to continue to explain....he said that's all the predictions we can make or tell you so he said i'm transferring you to millers children's long beach hospital we will have the ambulance take you we have to keep you monitored. then he left the room and i looked at my mom in fear and she looked at me the same way because her baby girl wasn't ok... the ambulance ride felt like it took forever i was laying there hooked up with monitors and needles in my arms and strapped down to a bed, when we arrived it was super late so they submitted me to a room a really small room. with blue walls and a single hospital bed that i didn't wanna fill. i was so tired i just wanted to sleep but i couldn't i had more doctors to see and more worrying to do. all through out the night i had nurses coming in and changing my fluids and poking me with more needles and running test after test... a few days passed and i was still laying there but they changed me rooms a bigger one i guess to try to make me feel comfortable...i still haven't got any answers just test after test still...could you imagine what i was going through days passing and still not knowing anything,,,,after more days passed a doctor came in Dr.Shaham and she looked at me and checked me top to bottom which was nothing new for me in that moment...she was asking me questions and i remember not being able to answer or remember so i broke down and started crying she lifted my head and said we can do this tomorrow...and hugged me and walked out while i rested for another long endless night....the next day she walked in again and told my mom to come near me along side the bed and she said "you have lupus" thats when my life did a complete 360....she went on explaining what it was and that its disease, no cure, meds for treatment, its chronic which means ill have it forever....i didnt cry, i didnt tear up, i didnt freeze, i simply said "ok" she handed me a stack of papers and it was for me to do my own research and get to know my disease. a nurse then walked in with the biggest bag of pills and meds ive ever seen, she said these are yours...we will have a nurse come in and tell you when an how to take them...i just said "ok" it wasnt until december 25th 2011 i got to go home..christmas day...i was so weak and tired i couldnt do much. no one could see me unless you had a face mask and gloves and sanitized completely .days went by more hospitals visits and pain that was unbearable...i was ready to let go and give up so many times...but i didnt i stayed strong and the thing is it was really for me i did it more my mom and my siblings that i know needed me around....if it wasnt for them i probably woudnt be here today....lupus changed my life and who i am as an individual. the first few years were rough and i lost myself i was depressed and felt more alone than ever...but again that didnt stop me...years kept going and now im here at year 5 healthier than ive ever been since the day i got sick. people say im an inspiration and its those who stick with me that inpsire me to be who i am. lupus saved my life! im a lupus warrior and forever will i stay strong and live life to the fullest!
Love as Always your lUPIE! <3
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