Wonders …

I sit in silence sometimes wondering What If ……It's hard to think of what could've been or who and where I could've been if I hadn't of got Sick at 15. So many things changed its like one day my life just did a complete 360 turn around and it was all unplanned in matter of time ' the clock never stopped for me every second,  minute,  hour,  and day that passed it's like things only got harder for me. In between all that time I had I really didn't have enough to capture the fact of what had truly happened to me ' I didn't understand I nodded yes to the doctors I smiled for family I hid it all to make it all easy on everyone else ' I never once doubted the fact I wasn't going to be okay because I knew I would be …but it was the little bit of time I needed for me that I never got to just release every feeling and scream and act of fear I had built inside me from information that was needed for the rest of my life.I was scared and I still am every day ...I've learned to accept it but no one will fully ever understand what I go through not even other lupus warriors because we each have our own story and struggles ! I just want the fear to go away but I know it's always going to be here and I'm just going to have to live through it ! Like I have been my whole life......just not my night so much on my mind I'm just done :/ 

                          Like Always , 

                                 Stasia